just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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