just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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