Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
