This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
