come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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