I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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