I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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