Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
