Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
