i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
