my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Watching her eat just hurts me
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
