How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
