How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
