my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
