I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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