Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize