I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
