Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
