So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
