I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
worst night to have a conscience
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
