Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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