You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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