dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
