Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i think i just lost a toe
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
