you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
