STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
