She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
