I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
