Tell her she can't have a vagina
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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