Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
