long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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