Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just want to make out with him forever
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
