the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize