I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
