The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
