she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I AM VODKA MAN
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
