just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize