We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
