The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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