I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i drank out of a bidet.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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