So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
