Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
