god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
