We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
