Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
