why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
