It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
