I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
how drunk are you?
Several
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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