my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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