I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
