i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
God I need to hump something, right now.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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