i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
