everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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