I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
