R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
