Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
