When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
