That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize