my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
