Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
this is an emotional support booty call
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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