Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
