And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
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Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
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I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize