are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
