Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
