You can't special order awesome
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
