she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
