I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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