I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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