what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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