There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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