He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
