A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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