I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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