I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
