I'm drive I can fine osifer
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
