i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
