So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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