better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
