You smell like a Billy Joel song
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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