I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
