So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
