u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
